admin Dear Perfect Mum,
To the world, you are the “perfect mum“. You are impeccable in everything that you do. Your children are always well-dressed, well behaved in every situation. To the world, the rest of us are ‘imperfect mums’, for a million and one reasons. Whatever we do or say is inappropriate.
You are a working mum, who manages to juggle everything gracefully. Always properly dressed and never have a bad hair day. You will never be seen with a stain on your clothes from a drooling baby. Your physic is that of a model….you have the ideal weight and if you gain a kilo, it goes away in a blink of an eye. You are always on time and never miss an appointment.
Rightly so, ‘self care time’ is an essential part of your daily routine. You never raise your voice with your kids – always loving and caring. The same applies to your marriage, always loving towards your husband and make it a point to have a date night every so often. Let’s not forget that girls night out every couple of weeks and a family vacation at least once a year.
And what about your home?! Always impeccable, and when someone comes over unexpectedly you apologize for the mess….which let’s face is a mess that only you see, as nothing is out of place….there are no toys around, no plates in the sink, no cushions lying on the floor.
From the moment we became mothers each and every decision we made was questioned and judged (we imperfect mums seem to tick all of the list below):
- we had a C-section instead of vaginal birth and vice versa;
- we exclusively bottle fed our babies (this is a topic which can be discussed on it own);
- we sent our babies to childcare because we pursued our job/career;
- we do not read enough books to our children;
- we do not go out a lot;
- we let our children use ‘technology’;
- we do not send our children to extra curricular activities or we send them too much;
- our children have not reached the milestones expected by society;
‘Perfect mum’, allow us to walk you through our world. Life has not been kind to us, we run around in circles like headless chickens. We seem to be always late and have missed an appointment here and there. We might not have an accommodating boss at work, who understands the needs of our family, and if we do we constantly feel guilty that we are not performing well enough. The in-laws and even our own parents (if still alive) are not always willing to look after our children whilst we are at work or want to go out for a date night with our husband.
Our kids misbehave continuously when in public….it seems it has become their favorite hobby, and when at home they are always up to something. We have tried various parenting methods, but none seem to work. So do not give us that judgemental look, when our kids do not behave in public, we are trying our best. At some point, if you were in our shoes, you would also raise your voice out of exasperation.
Dinner time is not always pleasant….depends on the kids` mood. Dishes are washed by hand because we do not have a dishwasher and we sweep the floors with a good old broom. We have no helper to keep the house clean……it is a do it yourself job. Dust bunnies have become our friends.
Bedtime routine can take forever. We skim through bedtime stories because we are exhausted, and the likelihood that we doze off whilst reading the story is real.
We struggle to find time for ourselves, as sometimes we fall asleep before we say ‘self care’. The logistics involved when going to the hairdresser or clothes shopping is much more than one can imagine. When everything goes according to plan we rejoice, but to later regret it, as when back home we find a mess, as daddy let them play ‘shopping’ (all your food is suddenly in the living room).
Our weight is like a yoyo, it fluctuates like to markets on Wall Street. Once we gain a kilo, it’s there to stay…… We have long said goodbye to the beach body we once had….till we meet again.
Chapeau to you ‘perfect mum’ for being able to have it all together.
Despite all these difficulties and continual judgement, we are happy and appreciate the little things in life. We continuously strive for cleaner homes, better organization, to be more loving mothers and wives because we refuse to give up. Your life is not better than ours and vice versa, it’s just that you are better than us at hiding your imperfections. So next time you see an ‘imperfect mum’ show some empathy and give a comforting smile.
So goodnight….but after all does the ‘perfect mum’ really exist? Is the perfect mum the one with the perfect picture on Instagram?
No….the perfect mum is you reading this blog post… yes you are the PERFECT MUM….you are perfect to your family, so do not be hard on yourself.
There is no good or bad mum (shame on who tries to label mothers)…..there is just YOU living the best life you can.
Love
Strugglingmum xxx
