admin Miscarriages occur in 10% of pregnancies Click here for more information. The majority happen within the first trimester. The further you go in the pregnancy, the less risk of a miscarriage. However it still can happen. Having a miscarriage does not mean one cannot carry a baby….many who have had a miscarriage would go on to carry a baby full term. As with everything else in life there are exceptions.
Most of us envisage a plan in our mind of how our life will be however it unfolds in a completely different manner. Very few know that between my two children, I had another child which I miscarried at 17 weeks.
Well….from the title of this blog post you might have assumed that at some point in my life I had another child.
Miscarriage is a subject that no one really speaks about, but which unfortunately many women go through.
Pregnancy should be a joyful experience, however miscarriage happens as mentioned above. It is a very personal matter, and anyone who has gone through it, rarely speaks about it.
It was back in 2014, my daughter was already 4-years old, and I was 17 weeks pregnant or at least that is what I thought. Never did it cross my mind that I could have a miscarriage.
It was only during my routine check up that I discovered that I had miscarried. I can still recall the doctor’s words ‘I am sorry but there is no heatbeat‘. It was like a cold shower, unable to think and speak.
On our way to hospital, all I could think of was that there must have been a mistake….since I had no symptoms…..maybe the doctor’s equipment was not working properly. It was a missed miscarriage. For those unfamiliar with the term, missed miscarriage means you don’t have any miscarriage symptoms.
Unfortunately, my doctor’s diagnoses was confirmed at hospital. The hospital staff were very helpful and a counselor specialized in such cases came to speak to me before going back home. The service was available even after I left hospital.
It was a difficult time for me and my family. I took a week off work, and during that week, I tried finding an answer…..a WHY. Searching on Google, trying to find symptoms which should have given me an indication….trying to understand why it happened, and if I could have avoided it. 
At 17 weeks pregnant, I was already showing, and people who knew me by sight looked at me with perplexed faces and could feel the murmurs behind my back. I guess it was inevitable.
During this period, many thoughts and emotions go through your mind.
My mind was blurred with different thoughts, that it was my fault and that I have failed. I tried to make sense, out of something that did not make sense. I tried to find a reason, for something that there was no reason. I searched for answers, which I never got, not even from the doctors. ‘It just had to happen’ they said. Maybe if you are given an answer as to why it had happened, maybe you could understand better and come to terms with yourself. In my case there was no reason.
During this period, nothing will comfort you and you need to take your time to grieve and get back on your feet. It is an inner process that only you can control. People around you will say phrases such as “do not worry you will have other children”, (if you have other children” “do not worry, you already have children” , “it just had to happen”. Don’t be angry at them….they want to comfort you but really and truly they themselves do not know what to say.
Not even I, who has gone through a miscarriage can comfort you. All I can do is share my story and help you understand that it’s not your fault and that you should not be ashamed of what happened.
No matter how many years pass by, you will always remember your lost child. The pain will fade away, life will go on but you will never forget. There will be days which will be harder than others.
After a miscarriage, there is no ideal time when to get pregnant again (apart from the doctor’s recommendations)….it is more a matter of you being mentally and emotionally prepared for another pregnancy.
In my case, a year after the miscarriage, I was pregnant with my son. Mentally it was not an easy pregnancy because every time I went to the doctor, I always feared the worst. Babies born after a miscarriage are called Rainbow Babies and my son truly is a rainbow baby.
If you are passing through this difficult period, all I can say is take your time to grieve and keep strong. If you feel you are not coping, seek help, there is nothing to be ashamed of. You might be surprised at how many women surrounding you have gone through a miscarriage but never spoke about it.
Unfortunately motherhood is not always fairies and butterflies. Everything happens for a reason, which we might not necessarily understand. So have faith.
Love
Strugglingmum xxxx
I AM NOT A COUNSELOR, AND HERE I AM ONLY SHARING MY EXPERIENCE AND MY PERSPECTIVE. PLEASE SEEK PROFESSIONAL ADVICE IF YOU NEED HELP.
